Have you noticed that as humans we are so eager to see justice done? Last week while subbing in a second grade class I saw this human desire for justice magnified. It seemed like every time I tried to transition or snatch a teachable moment, some little person was verbally demanding that I impose justice on a fellow classmate for offenses as trivial as taking too many rubber bands at the geoboard station, cutting in line, and copying another's work. These little irate tattle-tellers were wronged, they wanted me to know it, and they hoped there would be swift justice for the perpetrator.
I realized today that I am really no different than those second graders. My experience with injustice is a bit more involved, painful, and life-altering, and although some might say I have every reason to get just as wound up as an obnoxious, tattling second-grader, I hope I do not.
A particular injustice in my life seems to be resurfacing and rearing its ugly head far more often than I would like. It involves an injustice of lies and betrayal that is undeniably painful. Although I have tried to move past it and separate myself from it, it is still there. Just when I think forgiveness has truly taken hold, an event occurs reminding me of the injustice. It just doesn't seem right when those in the wrong seem to "get away with it."
However, like I said above, I don't want to be like those tattling second graders seeking justice at all cause. Most importantly my faith calls me to try to live at peace with all men (Romans 12:17-19). This passage reminds me that I am supposed to strive for peace and not attempt to repay evil with evil. More importantly this scripture reminds me that revenge is not my responsibility, and that God is the avenger. Secondly, I must remain aware of how my desire for swift justice could have negative and lasting effects for innocent others. Using the classroom example, when a student interrupts instruction insisting on outing the accused, others lose out. They lose out on learning, but also they lose out on peace and harmony. Maintaining peace and harmony for those I love is so very important to me, so I must not let my human desire to "tattle" supersede this.
I don't know. This whole things is SO much easier said than done, but when I am alone and sometimes fuming about the ways in which I have been wronged, I pray. I pray for clarity and guidance and peace of heart and mind. Today when I did this the thought popped into my head that perhaps justice HAS been served. Perhaps God's justice didn't come in the form of punishing the wrong-doer (just yet anyways), but in blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. True joy, a healthy relationship, support, respect, strength, self-assurance, hope, love, purpose, salvation...how's that for justice?!
My girl recently sat with me reading the posts from this blog. I guess you could say we had one of those mother-daughter bonding moments. We have been having a lot of those lately, and I can't even tell you how much they mean to me. My 11 year old girl hugged me, told me she loved me, and told me that she is happy that I got through the pain of the past. She then asked me why I hadn't written about Stephen yet in my blog. Although I have mentioned him, she is right I haven't exactly given tribute to him with one whole write-up. I guess the task seems a little daunting to me. How do I sum up the best year (plus) of my life, and give this man credit for all the amazing things that make him my TRUE love in one blog page? I guess I really can't. I can though tell you that I feel like I have been given a little piece of the miracle of life.
It is true that I have been blessed in this life in many ways. I was fortunate enough to be born into a good family, to be born in a land of freedom, to be educated, to never go hungry, to experience the amazing gift of two brand new little lives, friendship, travel, etc. However, until meeting Stephen I can say that I had never been afforded the joy of a true, self-less, unconditional love. It is kind-of sad to say since I was "happily" married (or so I thought) for over 11 years. Sad in one way, but amazingly great in another way.
Stephen and I met through match.com. After a few emails, texts, and phone calls, we agreed to meet for a first date on Jan. 9, 2010. It was a day that changed my life forever. I remember everything about that first date; what we were wearing, what we ordered for dinner, the first hug, the way he reached for my hand when he walked me to the car, the great conversations, and that first kiss. WOW! I was new to dating. I knew I never wanted to get married again. I was guarded, ridiculously unsure of myself, and really had no idea what to expect. I had learned a thing or two about what didn't work in a relationship, and I honestly was doubtful that there would be a good and honest man left for me. I see now that I was very wrong.
That magical first date led to weeks and months of late night phone conversations, fun dates, simple trips to the gym together, time getting to know one another and those important to us. Stephen and I fell in love and built a real friendship fast and furiously. I can't really explain how it happened so fast and almost effortlessly. I simply think it was a "God thing." I had seen enough good and healthy relationships to know a little about what to look and hope for. I was also consciously aware that I wasn't the only one to be considered. I had two beautiful children who were depending on me to make decisions that would benefit us all. I carefully considered the effects of my relationship with Stephen on the kids, and spent much time praying about it and seeking advise from friends and family. I watched them interact with Stephen, and I stood amazed at how naturally their relationships developed. Ashley and Ethan didn't know it, but they needed a man like Stephen to love them, to accept them just as they are, to be an example to them, and more importantly to demonstrate love and goodness to their momma. He has done all of those things and more for them. He has taken on the role of step-dad with such grace, humility, and love. He loves A&E as if they were his own, yet respects and encourages the relationship they already have with their "real" dad. He demonstrates strength and genuine character for them that they had not yet seen in their young lives. He is there for them...REALLY there for them, and they know it. He hasn't replaced their dad. He has however come into their lives and home and filled many voids. Some may raise an eyebrow to this, but those who have spent time with us can clearly see what a tremendous blessing he has been to my kidlets. I might even go as far as to say that he "saved" them. I know, I know. This is a tad cliche and bold. It is true though. He continues to save A&E from the hurts, pains, and frustrations unique to their little lives, and he leads our family in ways we had not ever experienced. It is good!
For me Stephen is everything about love that I almost stopped believing could be. He isn't perfect. He is however strong, honest, humble, and he has a big ol' heart. Some people speculate that it was his southern up-bringing, the amazing strength and example of his single momma, the military, etc. I think maybe it was a combination of all of it, mixed with the decision from this man to be the best he can be and love to the fullest. He is gentle, yet passionate about his ideas and feelings. He is smart and successful, yet demonstrates humility and the drive to keep learning. He is beyond respectful and chivalrous. He is a true gentleman, holding doors for women, making sure the ladies and kids get their food before he does, walking on the car side of sidewalks, etc. He is very laid back and flexible. He is supportive and truly cares. He is fun and we laugh together everyday. He loves me deeply and shows me in so many ways. He is committed to me and our family. I know that our life will not be perfect, and there will most likely be some bumps in the road, but I know with certainty that this man will be 100% loyal to me. I know that when he hurts me it will not be intentionally. I know that he won't keep important things from me, including his feelings. I know that much will happen to us and around us, but no matter what it is, he and I will be holding hands and hearts throughout it all. To me this is like a miracle and I treasure it. My husband is a gift given to me after a stormy time in my life and I am grateful.
